1 Year Sober!
Today I am ONE YEAR SOBER! It's been the longest year, literally 366 days because of leap year and also because we are now in isolation because of Covid-19.
When the pandemic first hit and schools were closed, my business got flipped upside down and the threat of death was upon me, the urge to drink was powerful. What better time to break my commitment to stay sober than a global pandemic? Wouldn't wine be totally warranted in this extreme situation? The relentless memes certainly made it seem like a great idea. I stayed sober every single day and it got easier.
I noticed a few days in that I was rubbing my fingers together and fidgeting from stress and thought self-medicating with booze would not be entirely outrageous would it? I would certainly be able to rationalize a relapse given my present schedule of walk/breakfast/homeschooling/lunch/work from home/parenting/supper/walk/bed repeat repeat repeat until you implode.
Needless to say it's been a very difficult 3 weeks of isolation and I would not have made it through as calmly as I have without my sobriety. Every day I wake up and thank myself for not being hungover. Every day I wake up and thank myself for choosing to be present and awake and scared. I thank myself for showing up for myself and my people over and over and over x 366 days and the hopefully thousands of days to come.
There are likely several weeks ahead that look very different from our normal life. The fear of illness and death hangs over us like a cloud of dread. Each day there is a new bit of news to acclimatize to and we do. Everything we know hangs in the balance and each day I'm sober to face it which means feeling all of the scary big feelings and sometimes that also means crawling into my bed for 18 minutes by myself to process and rest.
I think my biggest take away at the one year mark is that if I can be sober in a global pandemic, surrounded by my kids and while my business hangs on by a thread (pun intended) I can be sober through anything. The desire to drink is only a desire to escape and if the past 3 weeks have taught me anything it's that there is nowhere left to escape to. My bubble is safe and I can do anything, feel anything and still be ok.
So I raise my glass of kombucha to myself and cheers to ONE YEAR SOBER!
I'm very proud of myself for choosing myself, my life, for 366 days in a row.
I can't wait to have a cheeseburger, in public, served by a stranger, on a patio maybe to celebrate - hey a woman can dream!
When the pandemic first hit and schools were closed, my business got flipped upside down and the threat of death was upon me, the urge to drink was powerful. What better time to break my commitment to stay sober than a global pandemic? Wouldn't wine be totally warranted in this extreme situation? The relentless memes certainly made it seem like a great idea. I stayed sober every single day and it got easier.
I noticed a few days in that I was rubbing my fingers together and fidgeting from stress and thought self-medicating with booze would not be entirely outrageous would it? I would certainly be able to rationalize a relapse given my present schedule of walk/breakfast/homeschooling/lunch/work from home/parenting/supper/walk/bed repeat repeat repeat until you implode.
Needless to say it's been a very difficult 3 weeks of isolation and I would not have made it through as calmly as I have without my sobriety. Every day I wake up and thank myself for not being hungover. Every day I wake up and thank myself for choosing to be present and awake and scared. I thank myself for showing up for myself and my people over and over and over x 366 days and the hopefully thousands of days to come.
There are likely several weeks ahead that look very different from our normal life. The fear of illness and death hangs over us like a cloud of dread. Each day there is a new bit of news to acclimatize to and we do. Everything we know hangs in the balance and each day I'm sober to face it which means feeling all of the scary big feelings and sometimes that also means crawling into my bed for 18 minutes by myself to process and rest.
I think my biggest take away at the one year mark is that if I can be sober in a global pandemic, surrounded by my kids and while my business hangs on by a thread (pun intended) I can be sober through anything. The desire to drink is only a desire to escape and if the past 3 weeks have taught me anything it's that there is nowhere left to escape to. My bubble is safe and I can do anything, feel anything and still be ok.
So I raise my glass of kombucha to myself and cheers to ONE YEAR SOBER!
I'm very proud of myself for choosing myself, my life, for 366 days in a row.
I can't wait to have a cheeseburger, in public, served by a stranger, on a patio maybe to celebrate - hey a woman can dream!
Comments
Post a Comment