Best Laid Plans
My writing mind was silenced this week. All my free thoughts that float around and beg to be explored went missing. Monday morning, 15 minutes before I was to leave for work, I got a text saying my babysitter for the month of August was in hospital with a health issue that had previously been resolved resurfacing and would not be able to work for us. Pardon? Wow. I felt so bad for her and her mom who was texting me. I felt so many feelings in that moment but mostly panic but I didn't let it swallow me.
To my credit, I handled the fall out better than I would have in the past. I cried for 5 minutes, took some deep breaths and sent out a few feelers to other sitters I found online. Nothing panned out.
So this week every day was a different mix of people coming to hang out with the kids and in trying to get through the days without my grounding routine has taken it's toll. It's only Thursday and I feel like I've lived 12 days instead of 4.
My husband is giving me the night off tonight to recharge while he does dinner and garbage and recycling and rugby practice and kid pick up for our sweet friends in Burlington who took our kids to their house today. He asked me "What does the lake say?" and I literally felt dead inside which is scary because this invitation usually creates a deep movement in my creative mind. I thought about it for an hour or two and this is what came out.
Today, the lake says it's tired and needs to be quiet for a while. I feel like earlier in the week I felt like I was at super hero coping levels and now I feel like maybe I wasn't coping at all but I know these weeks are never that simple. I feel like I've bottled it all inside and it's creating an anxious hum that needs to be free and I need to listen carefully to that sound. I'm going to try to get outside and look at some trees, maybe near the lake, and see if it has any wisdom to whisper about letting these last minute changes matter less. It always works out somehow doesn't it?
I asked for help. My family and friends answered. It's not what we thought it was going to be but you know what they say about best laid plans. Tonight I'm breathing in the acceptance of a new plan and breathing out the chaos that does not serve me. I am going to meet my friend for supper and we are going to feel better after we talk it all out. I am going to keep going. I'm pretty sure the lake will agree.
To my credit, I handled the fall out better than I would have in the past. I cried for 5 minutes, took some deep breaths and sent out a few feelers to other sitters I found online. Nothing panned out.
So this week every day was a different mix of people coming to hang out with the kids and in trying to get through the days without my grounding routine has taken it's toll. It's only Thursday and I feel like I've lived 12 days instead of 4.
My husband is giving me the night off tonight to recharge while he does dinner and garbage and recycling and rugby practice and kid pick up for our sweet friends in Burlington who took our kids to their house today. He asked me "What does the lake say?" and I literally felt dead inside which is scary because this invitation usually creates a deep movement in my creative mind. I thought about it for an hour or two and this is what came out.
Today, the lake says it's tired and needs to be quiet for a while. I feel like earlier in the week I felt like I was at super hero coping levels and now I feel like maybe I wasn't coping at all but I know these weeks are never that simple. I feel like I've bottled it all inside and it's creating an anxious hum that needs to be free and I need to listen carefully to that sound. I'm going to try to get outside and look at some trees, maybe near the lake, and see if it has any wisdom to whisper about letting these last minute changes matter less. It always works out somehow doesn't it?
I asked for help. My family and friends answered. It's not what we thought it was going to be but you know what they say about best laid plans. Tonight I'm breathing in the acceptance of a new plan and breathing out the chaos that does not serve me. I am going to meet my friend for supper and we are going to feel better after we talk it all out. I am going to keep going. I'm pretty sure the lake will agree.
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| Old people foot wear for the Maggie Rogers show last night |
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