The Other Side
I can see it. The other side of the nightmare in reach. I've been preventing myself from envisioning a life that maybe doesn't have daily cancer thoughts in it. Seems like tempting fate but it could be in sight for us now.
On Monday I will check myself into a special unit and sleep in an isolated room and on Tuesday morning I will swallow a radioactive iodine dose administered out of a metal canister by a person in a hazmat suit that will seek out any thyroid tissue in my body and totally annihilate it (tell me how on earth I'm going to swallow that by the way, it's fucking deadly).
For all day Tuesday and Wednesday I will watch Netflix and meditate and stretch and lounge around pretending this is the best vacation ever in an isolated room with nobody allowed in or out (that's me) and they will insert disgusting hospital food through a slot and I will shower and try to pee and poop a hundred times because that's how radiation leaves you,
through your skin and pee and poop.
Thursday I will head to my in laws for a bit more isolation from my kids because hugging and kissing isn't allowed for 4 days for tiny folks. A week later they will do a full body bone scan to see where this bastard might have spread and if that's clear, well, hello back to normal!!! Albeit with 60 pounds to lose and a bit of mental recovery to work on but smooth sailing nonetheless.
I can almost touch how good that will feel. I mean there's a small risk that in a decade I'll get bladder cancer or leukemia from the radiation treatment and there's a good chance I won't be able to taste things properly for 6 months but we will take what we can get at this point, We are tired of thinking about cancer and we are grateful that we might get a reprieve.
Aruba was just amazing. We had the best time with close friends, both of us in life stressing transitions and balancing how many beers you can have between baby bedtime and 10pm adult bedtime without throwing the whole next day and doing it all over again. We went snorkeling and it was so awesome, words can't even describe how beautiful it is to be part of a stunning aquarium of fish and coral. I am terrified of sharks and seaweed that touches me and rocks and fish larger than my arm and anything snake shaped so it was a personal accomplishment to get out in it and man I'm so glad I did. We soaked up 15 incredible days with our kids who did their fair share of complaining and whining and pooping on the deck and it was all such good fun to do it with people we love dearly. Suffering and having fun together. I could have stayed longer.
So I see it - the end of this nightmare and that big FUCK YOU CANCER vacation I am planning in my mind. It will be mine. The cure. The vacation. The summer that is approaching and you can damn well bet I will be asking you over for a celebratory drink because life is short and we know it now and we are ready to keep on doing life the best we can with smiles on our faces and ice cold martinis at the ready. I see it. Send us your good thoughts, prayers and vibes, it will be ours.
On Monday I will check myself into a special unit and sleep in an isolated room and on Tuesday morning I will swallow a radioactive iodine dose administered out of a metal canister by a person in a hazmat suit that will seek out any thyroid tissue in my body and totally annihilate it (tell me how on earth I'm going to swallow that by the way, it's fucking deadly).
For all day Tuesday and Wednesday I will watch Netflix and meditate and stretch and lounge around pretending this is the best vacation ever in an isolated room with nobody allowed in or out (that's me) and they will insert disgusting hospital food through a slot and I will shower and try to pee and poop a hundred times because that's how radiation leaves you,
through your skin and pee and poop.
Thursday I will head to my in laws for a bit more isolation from my kids because hugging and kissing isn't allowed for 4 days for tiny folks. A week later they will do a full body bone scan to see where this bastard might have spread and if that's clear, well, hello back to normal!!! Albeit with 60 pounds to lose and a bit of mental recovery to work on but smooth sailing nonetheless.
I can almost touch how good that will feel. I mean there's a small risk that in a decade I'll get bladder cancer or leukemia from the radiation treatment and there's a good chance I won't be able to taste things properly for 6 months but we will take what we can get at this point, We are tired of thinking about cancer and we are grateful that we might get a reprieve.
Aruba was just amazing. We had the best time with close friends, both of us in life stressing transitions and balancing how many beers you can have between baby bedtime and 10pm adult bedtime without throwing the whole next day and doing it all over again. We went snorkeling and it was so awesome, words can't even describe how beautiful it is to be part of a stunning aquarium of fish and coral. I am terrified of sharks and seaweed that touches me and rocks and fish larger than my arm and anything snake shaped so it was a personal accomplishment to get out in it and man I'm so glad I did. We soaked up 15 incredible days with our kids who did their fair share of complaining and whining and pooping on the deck and it was all such good fun to do it with people we love dearly. Suffering and having fun together. I could have stayed longer.
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| Drinks anyone? |
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