Little C

I'm writing this in a blog so I don't have to do 1000 updates and because there isn't a whole lot online about the actual experience of thyroid cancer that I can find so maybe it will help someone down the line - if you want to know where we are at on this "journey" you can find it here or you can you exchange us a dinner made on a weeknight for a full on conversation of "where I'm at"...

So here goes...

I have cancer.  Well - I had it.  They cut it out last week but yesterday the results showed that the lumps were/are cancer.  Shit.  Shit.  Shit.  It's never good news when they ask you to come in to the office on Wednesday when on Monday the surgeon said "see you in 4 months!" based on that fact she thought the lumps looked "good" and there wouldn't be any reason to see me again anytime soon.

I have 2 "big" kids and a sweet baby.  I have a partner.  I have a thriving business.  I am 35.  I have a home and a life full of demands and friends and clients I love and I have cancer.  So there's that.  Or I had cancer.  I have thyroid papillary carcinoma - the best kind of cancer you can get I'm told.  "If you have to get it this is the one to get!" Hooray, I've won the cancer lottery.

Either way along side my busy life I'm going to see the specialist on December 22nd to find out what my treatment plan is.  I'm going to have surgery again on January 4th and then radioactive iodine treatment in isolation for 3 days in March maybe and sometime in there I'm going to have a full body scan to see if I have the cancer I had somewhere else in my body.  Shit.  Shit.  Shit.  

I have a baby with a cold.  I have Christmas coming.  I have a nanny that's been through this once before.  I have 2 big kids with homework and dance classes and sport class and mother/daughter yoga.  I have a mortgage that needs paying.  I have a trip to Aruba to go on.  I have an 8 year old with infected ear piercings.  I have a 5 year old who has had 3 nose bleeds in the past 24 hours.  I have a business that is on the brink of huge gains.  I have a dog and a cat and a yard and bottles of wine that need drinking.  I.  Do.  Not.  Have.  Time.  For.  Cancer.

But we will make time.  We will give this tiny/easy/lucky version of cancer a run for it's money.  We have dreams.  We have plans.  We have a knowledge that so many people have it so much worse.  We know we are lucky/blessed/supported.  We know we will get through this...whatever this is.  We are a team.  We are adaptable.  We play out the worst case scenarios.  We live life knowing we aren't guaranteed anything.  By "we" I mean all my people.  My "we" is big and full of love and time and kindness.

But I was just feeling like I had who I was sorted out a little bit.  Like I'd made some advances in being better at being me.  Now we are going to find out what I'm made of.  What I've really got.  Let's hope part of what I've got isn't more cancer...

Photo of me on the first day feeling like myself last week after partial thyroidectomy.