Mom Me
It's Mother's Day. I often thought growing up that my whole life would revolve around my future kids. I thought "mothering" would come naturally and I would be able to be an easy, calm, kind mother gently guiding my kids into successful adulthoods. Turns out when you come from a damaging childhood the rosy coloured vision of your adult self parenting is much harder to achieve than in your fantasy.
I am a good mom.
I have worked at becoming a more patient mom over the last 8 some odd years. I've had 2 fairly tricky battles with post partum anxiety and one post partum period of mostly newborn snuggling bliss which I will always cherish as a gift from the universe. I've accumulated tips and tricks and hints and helpful guidances from all over from every place from google to old ladies in grocery stores.
I travel with wet wipes in my purse.
However, I am not a calm, peaceful, always kind and understanding mom. I expect too much and get grumpy and feel sorry for myself out loud. I sometimes yell. I definitely cry. I apologize and kiss and hug and am consistently working on being the mom me of my childhood musings.
It has been a hard, incredible, challenging road and there are many turns and twists ahead.
I think having a day about it isn't appropriate or necessary because the gratitude I feel about mothering is a daily occurrence. I don't think my love for my kids is bigger or better than my love for my partner, it is different. Nor do I think motherhood is the most important role a human female can play in this life. It is certainly a complex role. It has it's benefits and it's challenges and it's outright cry in the kitchen moments.
It has moments that take my breath away for both amazing and tragic reasons. I have taken ambulances about it. I have ridden in convertibles in the sun about it. I am a mother but I am also so much more and that is good for all of us.
I am a good mom.
I have worked at becoming a more patient mom over the last 8 some odd years. I've had 2 fairly tricky battles with post partum anxiety and one post partum period of mostly newborn snuggling bliss which I will always cherish as a gift from the universe. I've accumulated tips and tricks and hints and helpful guidances from all over from every place from google to old ladies in grocery stores.
I travel with wet wipes in my purse.
However, I am not a calm, peaceful, always kind and understanding mom. I expect too much and get grumpy and feel sorry for myself out loud. I sometimes yell. I definitely cry. I apologize and kiss and hug and am consistently working on being the mom me of my childhood musings.
It has been a hard, incredible, challenging road and there are many turns and twists ahead.
I think having a day about it isn't appropriate or necessary because the gratitude I feel about mothering is a daily occurrence. I don't think my love for my kids is bigger or better than my love for my partner, it is different. Nor do I think motherhood is the most important role a human female can play in this life. It is certainly a complex role. It has it's benefits and it's challenges and it's outright cry in the kitchen moments.
It has moments that take my breath away for both amazing and tragic reasons. I have taken ambulances about it. I have ridden in convertibles in the sun about it. I am a mother but I am also so much more and that is good for all of us.
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