Does Grampa Gord know what heaven looks like?
That's about how my great life/death chat with Hen began last night at 7:54pm. I knew sleep time was near as Henry is a bit like a clock and falls asleep around 8:04 every night now. He was snuggling in and wiggling his wiggles out and when he found that perfect spot in the crook of my left arm the chat when something like this:
H: Mum, does great grampa Gord know what heaven looks like?
Me: For sure.
H: But how can he know because when you die your eyes are closed?
Me: That's sometimes true but I believe that when you die and go to heaven you get a brand new body with wide open eyes but nobody knows for sure.
H: (after a long pause) Well, I don't think we get a different body, I think we have the same one in heaven.
Me: I don't really want my old, tired out body in heaven. I want to be able to run around and play and visit all the people I know there so I hope I get a new one!
H: (a bit teary) I don't want you to get a different body mommy because then I won't recognize you.
Me: (trying not be a bit teary) I'm sure you will recognize me honey, I hope I get my body back like it is now.
H: I don't want to die. I don't like not knowing when we will die (more teary).
Me: (barely holding it together) I don't want to die either but we don't need to be afraid. Think of how many people are there to meet us and they are all up there getting it ready for us right now so we don't have to be scared at all.
H: I'm scared because I don't know when it's gonna happen (seriously nailing humans main fear here)
Me: If we love each other every minute and make every day matter then we don't have to be afraid of when we die honey. We will know we did the best we could and that we loved each other the best we could and that's all we can do.
H: Will there be bad guys there?
Me: I don't think anyone is a bad guy there.
H: Are there police there?
Me: I don't know.
H: Are the police bad guys?
Me: I don't know (it was a little late to discuss police corruption, maybe another night).
H: Ok mummy, I love you (squeezing my head with both hands and almost pulling my hair out and then falls asleep 30 seconds later)
Me: (bawls eyes out)
So that's how it went. Full disclosure. Think what you might about heaven and afterlife and all that jazz. You might believe, you might not. I don't believe in Jesus or God in the traditional sense. I believe I'm going somewhere that my kids will follow to and that everyone I've loved and lost will be there without all of our physical and emotional baggage. I'm not sure what the point of that place is or who is in charge there or what it all means. I'm old enough to know that this is a hot bed for judgement so be kind. We are all just doing our best to figure it all out. Henry slept all night and woke up his regular perky self so I guess I didn't do any long term damage. If my kids ask me direct questions, I give them direct, age appropriate answers and I don't pretend to know everything, so far I think it's working.
H: Mum, does great grampa Gord know what heaven looks like?
Me: For sure.
H: But how can he know because when you die your eyes are closed?
Me: That's sometimes true but I believe that when you die and go to heaven you get a brand new body with wide open eyes but nobody knows for sure.
H: (after a long pause) Well, I don't think we get a different body, I think we have the same one in heaven.
Me: I don't really want my old, tired out body in heaven. I want to be able to run around and play and visit all the people I know there so I hope I get a new one!
H: (a bit teary) I don't want you to get a different body mommy because then I won't recognize you.
Me: (trying not be a bit teary) I'm sure you will recognize me honey, I hope I get my body back like it is now.
H: I don't want to die. I don't like not knowing when we will die (more teary).
Me: (barely holding it together) I don't want to die either but we don't need to be afraid. Think of how many people are there to meet us and they are all up there getting it ready for us right now so we don't have to be scared at all.
H: I'm scared because I don't know when it's gonna happen (seriously nailing humans main fear here)
Me: If we love each other every minute and make every day matter then we don't have to be afraid of when we die honey. We will know we did the best we could and that we loved each other the best we could and that's all we can do.
H: Will there be bad guys there?
Me: I don't think anyone is a bad guy there.
H: Are there police there?
Me: I don't know.
H: Are the police bad guys?
Me: I don't know (it was a little late to discuss police corruption, maybe another night).
H: Ok mummy, I love you (squeezing my head with both hands and almost pulling my hair out and then falls asleep 30 seconds later)
Me: (bawls eyes out)
So that's how it went. Full disclosure. Think what you might about heaven and afterlife and all that jazz. You might believe, you might not. I don't believe in Jesus or God in the traditional sense. I believe I'm going somewhere that my kids will follow to and that everyone I've loved and lost will be there without all of our physical and emotional baggage. I'm not sure what the point of that place is or who is in charge there or what it all means. I'm old enough to know that this is a hot bed for judgement so be kind. We are all just doing our best to figure it all out. Henry slept all night and woke up his regular perky self so I guess I didn't do any long term damage. If my kids ask me direct questions, I give them direct, age appropriate answers and I don't pretend to know everything, so far I think it's working.
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